Symptoms of an early morning breakdown

Light breaks through my 
curtains touching my cheek, 
I can't stay in this bed forever. 
I can smell the scent of
tea leaves burning beneath
heated liquid...you're here
again. 

Sanity awaits me under
this pillow but ignorance and
pain always make me stagger 
into your arms. My hair has 
found its way around my face
signaling that I've slept this time. 
My body aches but doesn't
contort as my alarm clock
screams time to wake up,
always late but still a
necessity. 

"Are you a necessity?"
something I ask myself 
every time I look in the mirror. 
I find myself moving toward the 
kitchen, only to realize you've
slipped out and left only 
this note...

"My tea kettle was broken,
just borrowed yours. Thanks
xoxo." It all makes sense now.
You didn't come to apologize
for last weeks catastrophe, you 
didn't even come to take back
every horrible scrap of your 
memory. No. 
You came to step on my ego, to
make a mockery of my suffering, to
dance on my grave. 

Muffled tears fall into a pattern
paralleling that of the rain 
drops on my window seal. 
Another morning has come
and I'm still in love with you.
I'm still an emotional
ball of chaos waiting to be
thrown into a whirlwind
of agony. 

My dreams let me know I'm
about to suffer a situation 
jam packed with nonsense.
I roll over and pretend nothing
ever happened. Sleep is the only
way to avoid symptoms of
an early morning breakdown.